SAY WHAT? Patients say the darndest things just before they go under.

After 25 years of surgical practice, I never cease to be amazed at what patients utter moments before induction. Granted, many drugs are on board, but I can't help but smile at a few of the last words I've heard.

• The Hot Dream. One middle-aged fella, right before induction for a knee realignment procedure, politely asked aloud if he could "receive the anesthetic agent that promotes erotic dreams." Thank God that was the call of anesthesia, not me. I am an orthopedist, not a Freudian therapist.
• The Truth. Instead of "in vino veritas" (in wine there is truth), anesthetists are all too familiar with "ex Versed veritas" (from Versed comes truth). If you want to know the hardcore truth about someone, ask him under propofol. One day I was about to operate on a woman whose husband was another patient. They were both kind and appeared very happy together. When I asked Mrs. X how she met Mr. X, she replied (just before induction) "We met at a bar! You happy, doc?" No further questions.
• The Disgruntled Employee. One poor soul, clearly at odds with his employer, sharply replied, "Bleep them" when asked if his job would accommodate his time off. I guess the raise wasn't looking too good this year. Thank heavens our room was not wiretapped. Better yet, the nurses didn't hear him.

• The Come-on. I will never profess to be Brad Pitt nor was I ever asked to be on the cover of GQ. Yet for some mysterious reason (glaucoma?), some female patients find me attractive. This is never more evident than when a host of drugs are active. Moments before induction, I do recall hearing the likes of "Dr. Kelly, are you free tomorrow night?" or "Are you married? How married?" Since I have an identical twin brother, some patients have even ventured to ask: "Is your twin brother single?" For the record, he has been married longer than I have!
• The Accident. Some patients are so invested in their workers' comp claims that their singular focus is that the fabled accident was the root of all their woes. Forget world hunger, prejudice or nuclear arms — the accident is their reason for being and all else in life is secondary. Just before propofol administration, it is not terribly unusual to hear the utterance: "Remember, doc, I was fine before the accident." Call the court reporter!
• The 'Perkie' Powerplay. In the face of the growing narcotic addiction, it is not unusual to hear patients perseverate over their need for Percocet only. It is truly disheartening when the last words uttered before deep sleep are: "Doc, remember I am allergic to everything except Percocet!" Yeah, well I am allergic to infections!

The truth comes out
There you have it: My list of the most memorable things patients have uttered moments before induction. The next time we need a hardened criminal to talk, forget interrogation. Just bring them to Room 1. You will find out all you need to know.