Behind Closed Doors


And Now a Word From Our Sponsors

One night not too long ago, I turned on the television and, instead of surfing to other channels at the commercial break, took a moment to pay attention to the taglines and jingles on display. It got me to thinking about the different ways that advertising pitches of the present and past could be used to describe our product, working in the OR. I was on a roll.

  • "Breakfast of champions." Plenty of strong coffee.
  • "Intelligence everywhere." Well, most of the time.
  • "They're Grrreat!" Most of the docs we work with.
  • "My bologna has a first name ???" It's M-E-A-T head. A term of affection for some of the other captains of our ship.
  • "Don't leave home without it." Your sense of humor.
  • "They make money the old-fashioned way ???" Perioperative nurses, working from the heart.
  • "It's everywhere you want to be." Travel nursing.
  • "Does she or doesn't she?" The real question is, will she or won't she take my call?
  • "When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight." Yep, sometimes we forget to order some important supplies.
  • "Can you hear me now?" Yes, so stop yelling at me.
  • "It's so easy, even a caveman can do it." It better be. Some of the instruments they use, such as for GYN, date back that far.
  • "Try it, you'll like it." Said the manager who's pushing computer charting on you.
  • "Good to the last drop." A bag of platelets.
  • "Maybe she's born with it." Nope, she definitely paid for it.
  • "It's all inside." A ruptured appendix — for now.
  • "It keeps going, and going, and going ???" The excision of a large sebaceous cyst.
  • "Anticipation ??? is keeping me waiting." The surgeon's still on his way over, and I need to know about positioning.
  • "You deserve a break today." Of course you do, but fat chance of that with a stacked schedule.
  • "Betcha can't eat just one." Yeah, not even a whole one. (Canteen sandwiches at 2 a.m.)
  • "It ain't easy being cheesy." Here's to the same old jokes, told by the same old person, every time there's a cute new employee in the room.
  • "The home of the Whopper." The OR can be a hotbed of wicked little lies.
  • "Is it live, or is it Memorex?" Oh, it's live. Some of the words we hear in the OR shouldn't be recorded.
  • "Have it your way." If you can get away with it.
  • "We're No. 2 and we try harder." The small community hospital versus the giant regional one with assembly-line care.
  • "Reach out and touch someone." Watching a circulator hold the hand of a patient during induction.
  • "We bring good things to life." The caesarean section in the middle of the night.
  • "Just do it." Dance to whatever's playing on the radio during those long cases, no matter who's watching.
  • "It gives you wings." A single, "Thank you, you all did a good job," from a patient or a surgeon.
  • "...and thank you for your support." To all the other departments that make our jobs easier.
  • "Like a rock." Our dedication to the OR.

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