On the subject of forgivenesss, Nelson Mandela put it best: Resentment, he said, is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. We only hurt ourselves when we wish ill on those who've trespassed against us. We will not be punished for our anger — we'll be punished by our anger.

Many of us are too proud to forgive, believing we will be portrayed as weak. Nothing is further from the truth. It takes great strength and character to forgive. And the sooner we forgive, the sooner we will experience peace. To forgive someone who has hurt you doesn't mean you're condoning a particular behavior or turning the other cheek. You're simply letting go of the pain.

When we forgive others, we are concomitantly healing ourselves. When we accept others as they are — imperfect, flawed humans doing the best they can — we can begin to look at ourselves with more compassion. Indeed, when we can begin to see others with loving and forgiving eyes, our gaze upon ourselves will be more kind.

Some believe that only when their offender is sorry can forgiveness ensue. Not true. Don't delude yourself into thinking there will be a perfect time to forgive. There is no time like the present to free ourselves of hurt.

One reason we find it difficult to forgive is the presence of old emotional traumas, especially those that arose from childhood. My father, good man that he was, levied so much criticism against me during my teenage years that it's easy to understand why I used to be exquisitely sensitive to any critical remarks.

Similarly, the scrub nurse who seems to be absolutely obsessed with detail may be expressing a fear of failure instilled by an alcoholic parent. The surgeon who screams obscenities may in reality be frightened and deeply insecure. The orderly with a seeming lack of ambition maybe was told repeatedly by a parent that he would never amount to anything. An excessively demanding patient may have suffered a recent loss of a loved one and is looking for solace from a potential healer.

Forgive and Forget

LET IT GO Forgiving someone who has hurt you means you're letting go of the pain.

Acknowledge the problem. An unforgiving posture exacts quite a toll on your health and joy.

Practice mindfulness. When we are present, former hurts are vanquished.

Own your stuff. Whatever pushes your buttons holds the key to healing old childhood wounds.

Be a love finder, not a fault finder. Looking for the good in others will dissipate all that may irk you in that person.

Practice compassion. By seeing the world through another's eyes, you'll usually find the reasons behind offensive behavior.

Imagine the compromised abilities a surgeon may bring to a long day of cases when last evening's spat with a spouse still lingers on his mind. How present can a scrub nurse be when she's lugging around the pain of yesterday's obnoxious surgeon? When we carry around old hurts, we have less to give our family, friends and patients. OSM