It's OK to laugh at things in the OR that aren't meant to be funny. So next time something humorous happens during a case and someone says, "Someday, we'll laugh at this," respond by asking, "Why wait?"

1 You can't fix stupid, but you can sedate it. The circulator teams up with the anesthesia provider to tailor each patient's anesthesia experience so it goes smoothly and is uneventful. Well, that's the goal anyway. Some patients have a "stupidoid" brain defect. If only we could do a "stupidectomy" while we had them asleep.

2 Possessed OR equipment. When an electronic component in the OR is on the fritz, I try 1 of 3 fixes: unplug it, start over or reboot it. That usually works. But what about when the flat screen monitor drifts? You position it where the surgeon wants it, you turn your back and the monitor mockingly floats back to where it was. Don't tell me to lock it. It is locked. This sounds like a job for Coban. I'll tell you what is locked, though: the screen on this EMR. You're clicking away, checking boxes when all of a sudden the screen freezes. Under my breath comes a string of profanities that would shock a sailor.

3 Take the good with the bad. Even when I'm expecting to have a good day, sometimes the sinister OR gods have a different idea. For instance, the schedule says right foot. The patient says left foot. Both feet are "fubar." The tech sets up the case in accordance with the pick sheet and schedule. The surgeon is late. When he finally shows up, he talks to the patient and it's decided we're doing both feet. Grrrrrrr. We have to go pick additional stuff, which makes our start time even later. Some days you're the pigeon, some days you feel like the pavement. However, if it's any consolation, some believe that if a bird poops on you it's supposed to bring good luck. Really. Seriously. I Googled it.

4 Not for the faint of heart. Some OR newbies will never make it. It's not because we eat our young. Fledglings have been taken off of our menu. It's because, through no fault of their own, they have HWF (high weenie factor). OR business is hard work, it's gross and sometimes it stinks. I once took a dressing off a foot to prep it for surgery and maggots fell out everywhere. (Did you know maggots can live in 70% alcohol for at least 45 minutes?)

5 Sarcasm never gets old. I get along with anesthesia providers, except when they ask if I put a forced-air warming blanket on the patient for a 15-minute case. "Yep, sure did," I'll say, "but turning it on is up there where you are."

6 He loves me, he loves me not. While on a black hole of a case, I'd finished all I could chart at that moment and thought I'd do a little house cleaning. There were some papers I had filled out in advance and they weren't going to be used, so I stood at the COW (computer on wheels) and began to rip up the papers. I was going to shred them when we were done, but I find ripping paper very cathartic. I was minding my own business when a surgeon yelled at me from across the room, "What are you doing?" Mind you, this is the same surgeon who told me to hush about 3 weeks ago when I needed patient information from him. I didn't look at him and very slowly and methodically ripped up the last piece of paper while responding, "Well, it started out as a love note to you. But not now." He didn't find that funny. But I sure did. OSM