Welcome to the new Outpatient Surgery website! Check out our login FAQs.
Behind Closed Doors
Top 40 Countdown
Paula Watkins
Publish Date: October 10, 2007   |  Tags:   Opinion

1. I Can See Clearly Now (Johnny Nash, 1972) To cataracts and ophthalmology. Now those over the age of 90 can drive their big ol' cars down the interstates at 35 mph with their blinkers still on.

2. Every Breath You Take (The Police, 1983) To the anesthesia department. "Oh, please breathe. When is the relaxant going to wear off?"

3. Against All Odds (Phil Collins, 1984) That you're going to finish that case before quittin' time.

4. With a Little Help From My Friends (The Beatles, 1967) To the co-workers who are there to laugh with you and help you fight your battles when you're up to your acetabulum in alligators.

5. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper, 1984) To faithful scrub techs doing 10 knee arthroscopies in a row, day after day after day.

6. If You've Got the Money, I've Got the Time (Lefty Frizzell, 1950) To all those augmentation mammoplasties. Helping them feel like A Natural Woman. (Aretha Franklin, 1968)

7. You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet (Bachman-Turner Overdrive 1974) To the laparoscopic patient of that certain general surgeon. To whom we could also dedicate Searching (The Coasters, 1957)

8. In the Year 2525 (Zager & Evans, 1969) Still looking for the cause of that stomachache in that laparoscopic case by that certain general surgeon.

9. Gonna Make You Sweat (C & C Music Factory, 1991) Sponge counts incorrect. Oops, there 'tis.

10. I'm Too Sexy (Right Said Fred, 1992) To you young OR nurses who think jewelry and perky bodies make you look good in scrubs. (Not!)

11. The Hustle (Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony, 1975) To all of us who turn over the room between cases in record time.

12. Shaft (Isaac Hayes, 1971) What you get on your evaluation when it's time for a raise.

13. As Good As I Once Was (Toby Keith, 2005) To the surgeon who should have retired 15 years ago.

14. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (The Hollies, 1969) Moving that 400-pound patient from one bed to the other. Or holding that leg during the prep and draping.

15. Strokin' (Clarance Carter, 1986) What your brain does when most of the equipment fails, during the most intense part of a procedure, and you're clueless as to how to fix it.

16. Breathe (Faith Hill, 1999) Again, to anesthesia. That relaxant still seems to be on board.

17. Magnet & Steel (Walter Egan, 1978) To all those circulators looking for that needle the scrub person dropped on the floor - which you have to find to finish the count.

18. I Can Help (Billy Swan, 1975) To those who are kind enough to come in and help get those big cases started or help turn over those rooms on cases that resembled a train wreck.

19. Turn the Beat Around (Vicki Sue Robinson, 1976) To those hoping that rhythm on the monitor is artifact and not V-fib.

20. Blue (LeAnn Rimes, 1996) Uh, better re-intubate.

21. Hold On, I'm Comin' (Sam and Dave, 1966) We heard what you asked for, we heard how many you wanted and we heard the number of times you said it, but it's not in the room as usual, and we have to go out in the hall, the next room or call downstairs to get it.

22. Ain't No Sunshine (Bill Withers, 1971) To those working 12-hour shifts in the winter. You go to work in the dark and get off in the dark.

23. Going Under (Evanescence, 2003) To anesthesia. Please hurry and give the propofol and make them stop talking to us.

24. U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer, 1990) Sometimes you don't even want to.

25. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction (The Rolling Stones, 1965 ) To some surgeons, no matter what we do for them or how we do it.

26. If I Could Turn Back Time (Cher, 1989) "It sure didn't look like a specimen," we think as we're rummaging through the trash.

27. The Beat Goes On (Sonny & Cher, 1965) Well, we sure hope it does. If not, stabilize them and get them to recovery. Rule No. 1: No one expires in the OR.

28. All Right Now (Free, 1970) Back to you, anesthesia. The relaxant finally wore off. Hurry to recovery.

29. Get The Party Started (Pink, 2002) To those having to wait on the surgeon for that 0730 case.

30. Who Can It Be Now? (Men at Work, 1981) To those having to constantly answer telephones, cells and pagers when they are trying their best to circulate a procedure. They still don't get it, that when you're in the operating room, you have both hands doing something - or worse, in something.

31. Silver Threads and Golden Needles (The Springfields, 1962) To the procedures that rack up anywhere from 60 needles to 100 needles.

32. Oops! ... I Did It Again (Britney Spears, 2000) To all those scrub techs who keep missing the kick bucket with those saturated bloody sponges. Hello! It's right there on the floor in front of you, next to your mayo stand.

33. Blowin' in the Wind (Bob Dylan, 1962) Hot air biscuits. Come and get ?em. To those patients (and some staff) with that little sphincter problem.

34. Born To Be Wild (Steppenwolf, 1968) To all those hard-working OR nurses at the AORN conventions. Washington, D.C., batten down the hatches.

35. Hello Goodbye (The Beatles, 1967) The reason we work in outpatient surgery. Treat 'em and street 'em.

36. Let's Get Physical (Olivia Newton-John, 1981) A section that goes along with the history that always seems to be missing from the chart pre-operatively.

37. Awaken (Disturbed, 2002) Something the patient is afraid will happen during surgery.

38. Crawling (Linkin Park, 2000) On the floor again, trying to figure out why something doesn't work on the bed or some piece of worn-out equipment. Sometimes just trying to move foot pedals and plug everything in.

39. Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye (Steam 1970) The case is finally over and Dr. T-Rex is walking out the door.

40. Feels So Right (Alabama 1981) Here's to the end of a good Friday and you're not on call.

DID YOU SEE THIS?